I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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