So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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