Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I will be naked everywhere
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
