I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
