I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
50% drunk capacity currently
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
