he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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