I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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