i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
