Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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