Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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