Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
