Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize