I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
