He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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