You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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