god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize