i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
