I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
