i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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