actually, I'm a sock model
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize