Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
