this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
