and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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