I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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