i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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