i was born a porn star she said
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
