you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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Do I have a choice?
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BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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