Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
