i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
