I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
