would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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