I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
