oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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