you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
