they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize