Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
