Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
