dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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