awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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