Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
