I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Michael Bay diarrhea
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
