I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
