WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
