i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
