I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize