he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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