a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
