I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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