That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
