no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
