you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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