I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize