I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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