you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
