i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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