i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I cannot find my penis.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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