I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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