my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
