im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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