don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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