So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
