Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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