Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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