OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
