He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
