who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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