Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
