i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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