I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize