we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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