it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i will never coherently bang her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
