Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
