how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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