She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
