And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
