2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
